Finding Peace in Loss

Happy Monday!!!

  • How was your weekend??? Did you happen to feel more emotional than usual? There was a full moon in Pisces this weekend. Pisces are some of the most emotionally intuitive people you’ll meet. We feel everything. So if you were in your feelings, blame it on the full moon. 😉 If you want more information on Pisces' full moon, click here.

This week I wanted to blog about something that affected me 30 years ago, in ways I still may not understand. On September 15, 1989, my mom died 1 month and 1 day from her 18th birthday, following complications from a car accident. Sometimes the emotions are unclear because, in a sense, I don’t know her, although I know she was very real and loved me very much. We were in a car accident that I dreamed about as a young child. I remember one of my aunts asking me if I knew what happened or if I remembered anything about the car accident. I was only two years old when it happened. (Side note: This is one of the reasons I felt so strongly about Nipsey Hussle’s death. His son was also two and I hurt that he may not remember his awesome father.) Anyway, I told her about the dream I had, and to her surprise, it was exactly what happened. Unfortunately, I don’t remember anything other than that accident about her.

I always say it is a gift and a curse for me. A gift because I’ll never have to experience the loss of my mother at an age I’d understand, and a curse because I didn’t get the chance to really know her. I can imagine her small frame taking care of a baby and smile. I know she was doing the best she could, as she still graduated from high school on time with a toddler. I still laugh at the birth story because she gave birth early one morning before school. No one woke my aunt Shirley (my mom’s twin) and she said she wasn’t going to school until someone took her to the hospital to see us! I know she said it with all the attitude in the world too!

I remember grandma kept pictures in a dresser of some sort in the hallway at her house. I would always go to that dresser to look at the pictures of my mom in her casket. I would always look and smile, never feeling her death but forever feeling her peace. I don’t even know if they knew I had found them now that I think about it 😊...but I did.

On the 30th anniversary of her death, I felt the emptiness of her presence. However, my emptiness and that of my family is different. I mourn someone I didn’t know, don’t remember and for that reason, I am always with remembering the loss. For my family and her friends, they mourn their twin, baby sister, their best friend, someone they knew and grew to love. The emptiness I feel is that of not having a mother around during my extreme highs and lowest of lows. We all loved her and I'm glad she knew it. Nevertheless, I am still forever grateful for my mother.

An angel in the sky, I know that she, my baby brother, and grandma Olivia are all keeping each other laughing. That Olivia Thomas had some sayings out of this world!! I know none of them would want us to live life in despair but rejoice because one day, we will see them again.

If you’ve lost your mother, I’ll pray for you because that’s a feeling I’ll never understand completely. If your mother is here, cherish her. You’ll never get another one. 💖

30 years is a long time.

Until Next Time, Peace and Love 😊

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